ian thomas drummer heart attack; poeme sur l'enfance malheureuse. He had told me during the long conversation that she didnt do family visits, doesn't speak to her only sister as she's jealous of her, She enjoys going out for expensive meals.He has since lost his job and is doing a course at Uni, we offered to help him out financially as much as we could afford, but to her that wasn't enough, she is high maintenance and has demanded money from us to pay her rent for him. But as long as he is aware of what could be around the corner in a bad relationship, you must back off, let him make his mistakes, and let him find his joy. I never forgot the first day Scarlet walked into the hotel room, she had earring coming of our her mouth, nose, and tattoos all over her back. Do you have a recipe we could all cook together? I find it useful,I have four son one came home with a girl who will never say hi to me when he first start'ed going out with her, I always said hi some time she will just be looking at me, and my son will be there when she is doing this,this is my first son, now my #2 son will tel his girlfriend not to talk to me when he has problem with me even now he send his graduation invitation to his girl friend and a friend, when she see will also not say hi,how can I understand this ,I care for this children when their father left when they were babys is this what I get for 26years, please help me. Her cooking did not last. You can tell him why you're upset but repeat that you love him and regret driving him out, that it was the biggest mistake of your life because he is the love of your life. When we confronted my son with the info, he first pretended that he didn't know but through conversation we realized that he knew all along. What can I do? If things didn't go well, how do you get your parents to like your boyfriend? She offers something that he wants on a physical, emotional or psychological level. "Mom, this girl makes me happy." I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! He should be open to common sense. Your son is going to college so he is working towards a goal. As the mother of your child and your future wife, she deserves your loyalty and devotion. I have no idea why or what we ever did to make her this way, but she has always been the same. The key to this situation progressing is your girlfriend. When you can talk with him, let him know that you love him and do not mean to sound as though you disapprove of his relationship. I need advice very badly because I feel like Im loosing it. And now that he is lying to me and looks like he's protecting her from me, I feel so betrayed! However, when viewed through your son's eyes, you're disapproving of his relationship with the girl he loves. "The key is to start from . He might see himself as your child when with you and with her, he is completely different. He had no place to live and had no car (they had even sold the car he had from college) I made him come back home and get himself together. He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. Scarlet is all about junk food. His father and I have tried to reason with both of them. I will definitely implement the advice herein, and it will definitely bring about positive results. So I said, okay.. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. He is still dependent on us, only has a part time job, just finished school, starting uni and her influence of always needing him & her party lifestyle is rubbing off. You have time on your side. Remember, if you read my above comments, you'll understand what I mean when I say, "Call to the kitten." We have always tried so hard as a family to make her . This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. You don't have to start planning the wedding or be overly indulgent and supportive of the relationship but just warm, friendly and loving. 2. Its your parental responsibility to take action and start a conversation with your son about his manipulative partner. So, if your sons girlfriend is manipulative, should you confront him? If you wait and hes in a bottomless pit in the relationship, it may take longer for him to listen to your concerns. She has refused to accept my apology even my husband has now apologised, she told my husband that she wants nothing to do with any of his family and he will never see any of his grandchildren. Kids don't realize that hearts do mend. This is all good advice however, what to you recommend if you see a son in turmoil due to a needy girlfriend. u don't have a job, u shouldn't pay for ur friend's food! I am going through hell and probably have lost my son for good. "My fianc really respects you, mom, because you are so ____ and she needs a role model for that." So I went to the city and found him. What's something fun that you and (your son) have done lately? Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. I understand your concerns. It really is as simple as that! Within 1 1/2 years, she has had five jobs. Look whos talking.. Of course your son would protect his girl! A manipulative relationship can lead to intimacy, trust, respect, and security problems. But they don't like my girlfriend we had some issues in the beginning but I don't blame my girlfriend there were alot of outside interference. Not putting her down at all, but expressing that she just wasn't going to be the one to make him happy. The pros and cons of social media (like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Pinterest, Google+, and Tumblr) on teenagers. does not see any of these issues we are having with her, Love is blind I know. And he replied, that's okay Mom since u like her (the girl) anyway! Our son has been dating a girl for 1 year. APRIL 20 ORIGINAL COWBOY DIES Former NFL running back Don McIlhenny, who in 1960 scored the first rushing touchdown in Dallas Cowboys history, has died at the age of 88. Please note that I have not informed my girlfriend of this as it will hurt her heart. Stop thinking he doesn't like you and your son. Would you like to prove once and for all that parents know best? 248 likes, 36 comments - Natalie B. justice advocate (@natalie.kristeen) on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the grief or guilt as an adoptive parent. Even wives. She holds his celphone, or bag pack and they always sit together. The only thing that saved him is that the kids were in another state. Needs to argue constantly. After her relentless begging, I decided to let her move in because I thought the only way he is going to know her is to live with her. I still would address my son and let him know that it is only fair that his gf cleans up after herself and perhaps they need to kick in extra money for the extra expenses she creates with groceries, utilities, etc. Ask Amy: I don't like my son's girlfriend. He's going to let her ruin his life. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. In the beginning sge was living by those two rules. He also loves writing about his passions and hopes to change the world, 1 blog post at a time! Kids sometimes might be in such a relationship out of fear of abandonment. So I let him waddle in the mess he made for about 6 months - until one day I just decided that I didn't want him to suffer. If you are together in 5 years when college is over great, but don't miss out on so much of your young lives. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. Well, he turned 18 in July of that year, and then informed us that he was giving up his full-ride scholarship to the out of state college to stay closer to this girl (she is a year younger). Always bragging. However, I would remind him that he's not owning up to his adult responsibilities in having and providing for his woman without your help. I have tried everything possible to promote my son and help me succeed professionally. Not looking for serious work as she supports him with his dealing. Ok, that was a year ago. It is hard to teach young ones that breaking up feels bad but it is better than breaking up when there is so much more at stake such as divorce and children. My son started treating me bad - I became the bad guy! Your son may be too hooked in love to understand that hes in an unhealthy relationship. On occasion when I see her, I am always the one to say hello (I was raised right). Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on October 07, 2014: This is not a blog but a "hub" or article that uses one of the Hubpages templates. My son's girlf friend will sleep over in his room. This is where all of your loving parenting in the past will be put to a test: Will he trust you over his girlfriend? I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. And, honestly, why should I when I have to stay in the car at her place. Therefore, she is the one with the greatest leverage to make something happen. But they're in love and insist that age is just a number. If this girl is important to him than she is important to you, too. If they are spending much time together and less time on school or other activities. Tell him that it was just so upsetting to see your precious son headed towards problems in life that could be avoided. He'll be 38, ten years younger than I am now. Hello, my situation is very hard and I truly feel like my son hates me at this point. She's shy and has said she doesn't like how she looks, she doesn't like taking pictures is what she said. My son recently obtained custody of his 3 year old son after a 2 year custody battle. Would he want his son to cut him out of his life over a girl? We are all heartbroken and only talk with him occasionally. I am crying because I was hurt of what he did! I didn't want the idea of that girl always around my son she follows him everywhere! This is his first true long term sexual relationship at 19 years, so obviously this is having an affect on him. Needy Nellie. A wiser young man would let her go and revisit that relationship if and when she became a better version of herself. But I believe he condoned her prostitution. The important matter to focus on is that you aren't an underage child or young adult and you don't need your mother's approval for this relationship. After a week I went to meet him for lunch and found out that he was living in his car! Bit over exaggerated but let me give the context; we started dating in early to mid July of 2022 and things were looking great. We then see pics of he and his girlfriend hanging out at the park, or movies, or with her family (taken on the same day as the one we tried to get together). Indeed, it must be very difficult for you to witness the neglect of your grandchild. It is heartbreaking. Your life, your choice. If he is okay with that, then that's fine but he needs to provide that roof over her head. He is smart. I don't know if you read about my dream but the best thing you can do is to remind your son always about your love for him and that is a love that will never end or change. For young kids who haven't found healthy activities that provide the thrill (sports, academia, art, music, volunteering, positive social relationships), they subconsciously seek out experiences to feel the rush through emotional turmoil, drama, drinking, and drugs. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. The woman has started expressing dislike for my three year old grandson. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. She cussed me and called me horrible names. If he were going to give his own son advice if he were going to marry a woman like his fianc, what would he say to his son? Always communicating and bonding with his siblings and grandparents. It is too much to even write. Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. AT THIS POINT I FEEL THAT I CAN ONLY PRAY THAT GOD WILL GET HIM AWAY FROM THIS HORRIBLE PERSON.I AM TRULY SADDENED AND DISAPPOINTED IN MY SON.PLEASE,GIVE ME SOME GOOD ADVICE. Be honest and help him connect the dots between his relationship and the manipulative behaviour. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Questions about her commitment or plans for the relationship. Our grown children won't want to be around us if we're always offering our unsolicited opinions or judgments! To do it for her would only weaken her and it would only be temporary. Please help me what to do and how would I feel better because I don't know what to say , I feel betrayed.. And honestly, I didn't like the girl for my son! We just want him to have a healthy relationship that does include friends and other people rather than so wrapped up around this family with no responsibilities and can come and go as he pleases at their house. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. I also would remind him that parents are the only sure relationship that would never end. In-love with love notwith you. she is very disrespectful called me a bitch to my face, has went off on me in my home, has called my husband a motherfucker to his face and has changed my son for the worse. I asked my son if there's something between him and the girl, but he said they're just friends. The request for him to be home is solely for him to have some healthy space for himself and to focus on study occasionally. All the smooth talks, creepy or stalking tendencies from their partner, are a sign of love. Then she began threatening suicide Not long after my son followed suit and began cutting, threatening suicide, and having violent outbreaks. Another essential step you should consider is scheduling consistent family time. I was working a temporary job and since he was the only one working a full-time permanent job, I asked him to stay with me and help with the bills. Just love your son so he will never forsake you for anyone. It is a love he can truly count on while romantic love with the opposite sex is, well, fragile and easily broken. A grandmother writes in asking for advice after she thought she was doing right by her son's girlfriend when she purchases all they could ever need for their now 7-month-old child. Enough is enough take the shit that you came which is nothing and leave. We spent a week at the beach for spring break just last week and had another girl with us my younger sons girlfriend, Matts girlfriend in a full 7 days never spoke to her once it was obvious she was jealous, I cannot even imagine not speaking a week to someone that I was in the same condo with. Obviously, we must have a very different circle of friends, coworkers and relatives. And since I had not ever met her, she would reply to my son and my private conversations PUBLICLY on social media (repeatedly). I have addressed this too asking him to look after his body as it also makes me very allergic when even clothing is brought into the house with nicotine traces. Your son is always a victim of the blame game. And her son came running home: Chimp Stealing Kitten Dream Interpretation, http://www.bellaonline.com/articles/art30033.asp. It is like his new best friend is her 43 yr old father. It has been a hard journey for me but now you have given me the hope on this and more importantly, actions to execute to ensure this does not get worse anymore. Her family were disgusted with her, they gave her money each month to subsidise her wages. These people love him because he gives them everything they want. Bless you cecgggceekac. Not a very friendly person at all..she actually has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. Afterward, half shut." The cops that responded to her police call informed her that it was a civil matter. Let her know that you gladly help support your "future wife" in her studies because you love her, you know she will be a great help to those she attends, and that she is anxious to help support the family financially as well. During that time, my son was dating this new woman and she was still pregnant and also directly after the birth of her child. Its normal for your adolescent boy to separate from his family. A monkey with a banana ran up and grabbed one of my kitties, slung him under its arm and ran away. She has placed a huge wedge between us. Going through serious life stuff. "She is such a hard worker.". Love your son without forcing ultimatums. You might also ask his closest friend, cousin or sibling to talk with him. We had work of our own to do. Young lovers are blind to serious red flags in their relationships which is why mothers become so alarmed when they see what they perceive to be poor choices, but its important to refrain from being petty. On the other hand, my father likes my girlfriend a lot, he even called me and recently told me that my girlfriend checked him when he was admitted to hospital. Today I mad him leave with no where to go and cried after her left and watched him load that tiny car. He has never been pressured to study anything he does not want to - made his own choices & is supported in his hobbies & passions; which she is not really supporting as they take time from her. I was sick. They want to make their own decisions and live as they like. Hi Doc, my Son is 18 and his girlfriend is the same age. Help! My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. When a son introduces a new female into his world, mothers instinctually take caution, and fears and questions arise. Confronting them will not likely end well. The ages of both your son and is girlfriend makes it really hard to get through. He might not missing out on anything at all. It might be understandable that your mother has reservations about this girl because your previous relationship with a woman did not survive. They come in and the girlfriend holds up a pregnancy test. I honestly didn't like the girl for him because she was really childish and I think they're too young yet. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. Contact: 0208 296 9620 The passing of his father, my husband had impacted us both and I believed we were always going to be close. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. I feel bad about my son lying to me of her. Then, you can continue to express the positives that your girlfriend adds to your life. Not once did she bring her children and to be honest, she was not allowed. My son dated a young woman 4 years ago that my husband and I really disapproved of. Have they always treated you this way? My advice to you is to be non-confrontational about his relationship. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? There have been several instances when we would see her mom and when we did, she always had a comment to make about the kids. The other family has total control over him and we do not know what to do either, but I have to thank God he is alive and we have still opportunities , as little as they may be, to talk to him nd let him know we love him. We went to visit him a few months ago, we emptied his flat which we are now having to rent out to cover the mortgage payments. But he was not street smart before meeting this woman. 210K views, 25K likes, 8.6K loves, 132K comments, 25K shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Zion Prayer Movement Outreach: NIGHT OF OPEN HEAVEN (22ND APRIL,. Her mom kicked her out of the house a fact we recently just found out as his girlfriend told us she moved out. Look, if you push this matter, you'll only push him deeper into her arms. Sometimes, mothers assume their children know they are loved but it is important to express it in words as well as actions. But both she and your son need help and together, the results of their relationship have gotten them cutting, threatening suicide, and landing in detention. He said it was his male friend who visited him but not the girl! For kids who have led the straight and narrow lifestyle for all their lives, the rebel or laid back lifestyle suddenly can feel liberating. His first love. :). And it sounds as though they see themselves in the children's romance. Any questions that may come across as judgmental or accusatory. But if we could prevent that, if he could trust us his family who loves him unconditionally and forever, could he rethink this choice? When she went to get the other child, her family would not let her take the older child. Not sure if I will do it, but it sounds good. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. This is not a matter of "getting along" with his girlfriend. Here is my advice: For the time being, don't fight against this girl or this relationship. he graduated from high school with honors and he earned his Bachelor's degree in Biology in 3 years (with honors). I bought borax and washed all the clothing in it and even did a second wash with a vinegar rinse before taking all the clothing and hanging in the sun to dry. So when he graduated she "supported" him by prostituting I believe - because after I found out that she would be in my home whenever my husband and I were at work, I put him out. But those first loves are the hardest to get over. If they are meant to be together, there is nothing you can do about it. At the end of the night, they came into our house to watch him open his gifts. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. Well, they have been going together for four years. does gopuff accept ebt cards. Whatever you do and say, do and say it with all the love you can muster from being his parents. Bryanne Salazar. What you might see as great experiences for young people may not be what he enjoys or wants to experience during his youth. The scary part is - now that he is doing well and fully supporting her - it is gonna be 10 times harder to get rid of her. Two days later, the mom calls to ask me to go to lunch "since the kidss are going to be together". Redirecting to /talk/behaviour_development/a1209810-Sons-girlfriend-doesnt-say-hello-to-me-or-my-wife-when-she-comes-to-our-home. Most of the time when he plays basketball, the girl will always be there cheering for him. Telling your son that there will be other girls in his future won't help. This is a difficult and heartbreaking challenge. He is occasionally using substances now and has become a smoker since dating her, she is an addicted smoker & social drug user. A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. What occurred next is when I saw my son next I pointed out the stains and explained what I had to do. My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. Tiredofthinkingmom on September 05, 2017: Lou--- yes sir we are living that now good God she may be the twin of our sons gf! She's nice before and always greet and smile to me whenever we meet. Don't baby him. "One reason why I fell in love with her is because she is a lot like you in that she is very caring and kind." I tried to talk to my son several times but he brushed me off. I can only suggest that your area of expertise is love, the love of being his mother. A woman that does not cook for herself, will not cook for a man. Because it seems odd that you don't mind if she calls your father a motherf*##* or yells at me. Remember that he is an adult and just because you're his mother doesn't mean you can tell him what to do anymore. You had the right to deny access to your basement, but other than that, are you friendly or cordial to his girlfriend? It seems that you have raised a young man who is independent, open-minded, tolerant . My son is mixed up with a true bitch! It's not that she's got kids & has her tubes tied, it's not that she's as ugly as sin with what looks to be prison tatts. The highs, the lows. The rebel. Thank you very much for your guidance! Use humor. I didn't critize her when she relayed through my son, how mean it was of me to overlook doing something for her to celebrate her first mother's day. I asked him 3 times and said no! Scarlet has two children from two different baby father's that she abandoned because she wanted to be with my son. Say, "Mom, no other woman can take your place in my heart--ever." You said you dont like your sons gf because shes childish, woooah! The Debater. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on September 22, 2013: Dear Concerned, I am sorry to hear of your grave situation. What are their reasons? He will want to make his "own" decisions. We don't see the spiritual powers at work, and this experience may be invaluable in building his character and life knowledge. I don't trust him with her anymore! Nice blog! She did not clean unless told (I say told because she never offered) and she did not cook (she said no one taught her) and so I tried. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on June 05, 2012: Why don't they like her?